A note to my readers -- An open letter to my vagina -- My only one-night stand -- I am an introvert -- On being new money -- An introduction to my stuffed animals -- Dad -- Excerpt from my journal in 1994 (age thirteen) with footnotes from 2016 -- Officially a woman -- Camp Anchor -- How I lost my virginity -- Things you don't know about me -- Can't knock the hustle -- Excerpt from my journal in 1999 (age eighteen) with footnotes from 2016 -- Faked it 'til I maked it -- Excerpt from my journal in 2001 (age twenty) with footnotes from 2016 -- Beautiful and strong -- Excerpt from my journal in 2003 (age twenty-two) with footnotes from 2016 -- How to become a stand-up comedian -- Times it's okay for a man not to make a woman come during sex -- The worst night of my life -- Things that make me insanely furious -- Athletes and musicians -- Letter to the editor -- Secret bad habits -- Mom -- NYC apartments -- Blackouts and stem cells -- An exciting time for women in Hollywood -- Mayci and Jillian -- Things that make me happy -- The sun will come out tomorrow -- What I want people to say at my funeral -- Rider for the funeral of Amy Schumer -- Forgiving my lower back tattoo.

"Stand-up comedian, actress, writer, and star of the TV series Inside Amy Schumer and the film Trainwreck shares her winning blend of smart, satirical humor in this candid and funny collection of (extremely) personal and observational essays. Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in. Ranging from the raucous to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing, this collection is the literary equivalent of a night out with your best friend. Whether she's experiencing lust-at-first-sight while in the airport security line, sharing her own views on love and marriage, admitting to being an introvert, or discovering her cross-fit instructor's secret bad habit,